


if I were a boy

by KeeperofSeeds



Series: comment-fics [1]
Category: Firefly
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Blanket Permission, Body Image, Comment Fic, Community: comment_fic, Female Friendship, Ficlet, Gen, Genderfuck, Hands, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Beta Read, POV Female Character, POV River, POV River Tam, Referenced - Freeform, Self-Reflection, Stream of Consciousness, Surprise Kissing, What-If, Wordcount: 100-2.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 12:18:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10490742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeeperofSeeds/pseuds/KeeperofSeeds
Summary: River wonders what it would be like to be a boy





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vampedvixen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampedvixen/gifts).



> Snagged this lonely prompt via the comment-fic community.
> 
> Thursday- genderfuckery 
> 
> Firefly, River, she wonders what it would be like to be a boy/  
> http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/58793.html?thread=14102441#t14102441

River sits in on one of  the walk ways above the cargo bay, staring at the bones in her hand, naming each one as it tightens around the support bar. Distal phalanx, middle phalanx, proximal phalanx, then the focuses on the metacarpal bones. So many moving parts, all working together in such specific ways.

She brings one hand closer to her face and curls it, watching her fingers bend and flex, and imagines how her bones would grow and change if she had been born as a boy. She sees the knuckles grow knobby, more like Simon's, feels the imagined ache that would come with a height increase during puberty. She imagines her shoulders growing broader and wonders how that would affect her center of gravity while dancing. Extending a leg out, she imagines the extra force a larger foot would deal out. The image isn't enough so she stands up to get more data. A spinning kick almost overbalances her when Kaylee comes out the door behind her and shrieks when she's almost hit in the nose.

"Sorry! So sorry," River says, stand upright.  "Too much force in too little space."

Kaylee has a hand to her chest, as if trying to keep her heart contained within. "It's fine. You just surprised me is all." She takes a step closer. "There a reason you're dancin' up here in the walk way when you have all that open space just below?"

"Wasn't really dancing." River explains, even though it should be obvious. "I was thinking, but I needed more data."

"Thinking about what sweetie?" Kaylee asks.

"Bone structure." River replies, and when Kaylee just looks blankly at her she elaborates. "Wondering how mine would change if I had been born a boy." She pauses for a second before deciding, "I don't think having a higher center of gravity would improve my dancing."

"Oh-kay…" Kaylee says before deciding to just go with the flow. "What else do you think would change if you had been a boy?"

"Hands," River says holding hers up for inspection before stepping closer and grabbing Kaylee's between her own.

"Hands can tell you a lot about a person. Simon's hands are almost always clean, sometimes scrubbed too raw. His fingers are long and precise in any work they do, even penmanship." River makes a face at that. She preferred numbers to writing when they were kids, and Simon's letters are skinny but flowing whenever he writes notes. She's seen Kaylee's notes, in the engine room, or more often in the little kitchen. Small and scratchy letters that sometimes crowd together and sometimes lounge out over the page among the smears of grease.  

 She studies Kaylee's hands, turning them over and back again, noting the short nails, smears of engine grease, even small deviations that indicate a break in at least two fingers.   

She gets  sidetracked for a moment wondering if she and Simon would share more similar tastes in things if she'd been a boy. If he would have convinced her tastes buds to like his favorite candies or if he'd roll his eyes over her choice in books.

She looks up at Kaylee and wonders. Imagines she can hear the diverging paths that might have been. What if...

She darts forward and kisses Kaylee on the lips. Kayless squeeks and the hands in hers tighten in surprise, but River presses steadily, breathing in through her nose. Kaylee smells familiar. The warmth of her mixing in with the sharp ting of the engine. River takes one last breathe and pulls back. Kaylee's eyes flutter open.

"wha- I mean, sweetie, why would you…?"

"I needed more data," River replies, and licks her lips thoughtfully, before shaking her head. "I don't think Simon and I would share similar tastes.

"Kaylee laughed at that. "Oh! That's what you were-! Oh River. That's probably not the sort of data you should be collecting. I don't think Simon would like that very much. Besides, _most_ people want a little warning before you lock lips with them."

River contemplates this, and nods. Kaylee's right. Simon probably wouldn't appreciate that kind of data. She should stick to other sociological theories. And bones. Maybe after Simon was done studying her next time, he's let her have a turn with his tools studying the bones in his hand. Compare and contrast the two. Dominant and non dominant. Then compare to her own. That would be a good project to take her mind off the vials and vials he took too often. Collecting her data. Yes.

She thanks Kaylee for helping and with another squeeze to her warm hands, lets go, and wanders down to the cargo bay. She'll need space to practice handstands.

**Author's Note:**

> Obvious title is an obvious choice. I couldn't resist. Also, if you haven't heard Reba McEntire sing If I Were a Boy then go now! Listen and enjoy! You're welcome for that. 
> 
> Also I'm not sure whether to put this in the comment fic 2017 tag because that's when I'm filling the prompt, or in the 2009 tag, which is when the prompt was originally posted. So I'm doing both for now.


End file.
